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Pain, the physical variety
Dec. 29th, 2003 04:24 pmFor the past five years I've been in pain. During that time, I can't recall a single day when I was free from pain. People sometimes ask how I can stand living like this. I've answered that "you get used to it", which is the truth. Having this burning/aching sensation in my abdomen is a fact of my life, just like having to put on glasses or contact lenses each day.
So much for the "background pain". Then there's also the stabbing pain, but it's really not that frequent, and there are the cramps, which aren't that frequent either. I've been on Synarela for about four years now, and those years have mostly been OKish. Sure, the pain and the painkillers cause tiredness, and I can't do all the things I want to do, at least not as often as I'd like, but on the whole it's a fairly good life.
Yesterday I got a reminder of just how good this normal-for-me life really is. I'd slept well and was in a very good mood when my mother and I went down to the local shopping centre. Mom was staying here for three days, and we were going to visit my father in law yesterday, so she wanted to look for something a bit nicer than jeans to wear. I was looking for a gift for my brother in law. Mom went off to the clothes stores, I went into a tech toy shop.
That's when it happened. Pain shot through my abdomen, from somewhere low in the back all the way through to the belly. I was afraid I'd faint. I tried sitting down on a chair outside the store, but it just kept getting worse. I went towards the public loos at a sort of staggering run, got in and locked the door. I sat down on the loo and had to hold onto the sink to keep from falling down off it. I was nauseous, crying and sweating with pain.
After a while, it got a bit better. I took a painkiller and waited to make sure it wouldn't come back again. Mom called and asked where I was (cell phones can be very useful sometimes), and we agreed that I'd go and meet her when I'd recovered a bit more. A few seconds later the pain came back. Same procedure again, except I didn't need to run to the loo as I was already there. It lasted about as long as before.
Then I went to Mom. We walked home - slowly - and I proceeded to frighten the hell out of my husband by crying and telling him how bad I felt. More painkillers were fetched and I crawled into bed to cuddle with the heating pad. After an hour or so, the pain had receded from intolerable to merely horrible. Mom drove Calle to his father's and then came back to stay with me. The pain kept receding, and today it's back at a normal-for-me level.
The point of all of this is that I thought I was used to being in pain and could handle it well. I was wrong. I was used to being in this amount of this kind of pain, and when I got a different amount and a different type of pain, I couldn't cope at all.
The other point is that my life really is quite good. I remember that five years ago, I had this kind of attack two or three times per week, except during menstruation, when it was several times per day. The medication I'm on does have some irritating side effects, but as long as it keeps these attacks away, I'll try not to complain about them again.
The third point is that when I say that it could be worse, I really really mean it.
So much for the "background pain". Then there's also the stabbing pain, but it's really not that frequent, and there are the cramps, which aren't that frequent either. I've been on Synarela for about four years now, and those years have mostly been OKish. Sure, the pain and the painkillers cause tiredness, and I can't do all the things I want to do, at least not as often as I'd like, but on the whole it's a fairly good life.
Yesterday I got a reminder of just how good this normal-for-me life really is. I'd slept well and was in a very good mood when my mother and I went down to the local shopping centre. Mom was staying here for three days, and we were going to visit my father in law yesterday, so she wanted to look for something a bit nicer than jeans to wear. I was looking for a gift for my brother in law. Mom went off to the clothes stores, I went into a tech toy shop.
That's when it happened. Pain shot through my abdomen, from somewhere low in the back all the way through to the belly. I was afraid I'd faint. I tried sitting down on a chair outside the store, but it just kept getting worse. I went towards the public loos at a sort of staggering run, got in and locked the door. I sat down on the loo and had to hold onto the sink to keep from falling down off it. I was nauseous, crying and sweating with pain.
After a while, it got a bit better. I took a painkiller and waited to make sure it wouldn't come back again. Mom called and asked where I was (cell phones can be very useful sometimes), and we agreed that I'd go and meet her when I'd recovered a bit more. A few seconds later the pain came back. Same procedure again, except I didn't need to run to the loo as I was already there. It lasted about as long as before.
Then I went to Mom. We walked home - slowly - and I proceeded to frighten the hell out of my husband by crying and telling him how bad I felt. More painkillers were fetched and I crawled into bed to cuddle with the heating pad. After an hour or so, the pain had receded from intolerable to merely horrible. Mom drove Calle to his father's and then came back to stay with me. The pain kept receding, and today it's back at a normal-for-me level.
The point of all of this is that I thought I was used to being in pain and could handle it well. I was wrong. I was used to being in this amount of this kind of pain, and when I got a different amount and a different type of pain, I couldn't cope at all.
The other point is that my life really is quite good. I remember that five years ago, I had this kind of attack two or three times per week, except during menstruation, when it was several times per day. The medication I'm on does have some irritating side effects, but as long as it keeps these attacks away, I'll try not to complain about them again.
The third point is that when I say that it could be worse, I really really mean it.
