Jenny with the Axe

Two months ago, the Big Project was mostly finished. I was worn out, as were my colleagues. The difference was that I had about a week before going on to the next project - one not as big, granted, but on the other hand about 90 % of the work would be mine.

Being me, I kept working. I kept working though I got more and more tired, through a few weeks of doing little more than working and sleeping, through a weariness fogging my mind... I realised I needed rest, so I asked for a day off. I didn't get it, because one of my coworkers had already gotten leave that day. On the day I was told this, as I left the office, I took the car out of the garage. Right at the garage doors I swerved right. As Goddess is my witness, I have no idea why I did that. There is no reason to turn right there; it's a straight exit (though a fairly narrow one). The car is scratched along the right side and the back door has a huge dent in it and will need to be replaced.

I got home and sat crying. Some coven members were coming over for a meeting, and they helped cheer me up. The next day I called my boss who told me to take a few days off, which I did. It helped that there was a holiday in the middle of the week after, so with only three sick days I got almost a week off.

I'm back at work again now. Boss has strictly ordered me to make sure to take full hour lunch breaks, and to make sure I take the Thursday morning off to go riding. My colleagues are very supportive and do their best not to lay any pressure on me - though, me being me, I worry that I put too much on them. The new project got delayed and nobody's being upset about it; any complaints are directed to my boss who just tells people that they have to wait. And we've started having morning meetings where we go through all the items in our work stack, and we check off the ones that are realistically possible to deal with during the day - and we don't look at the others until the next morning. That way I can leave work every day knowing that I've done all I should and I never have to worry about the stack of things waiting for me.

Have I mentioned that I really like my boss?

(Yes, I'm also going to get some kind of therapy. Again. Maybe this time it'll take.)

At the office we take turns bringing buns or something for Friday morning coffee. This week it's my turn, so I made some buns yesterday and brought them in today.

As the first coworkers were coming in, I happened to see one of the office service guys bringing the mail for our flor, so I called to him and asked if he wanted to join us. He did, we all talked a while and then he had to go on with his rounds.

The guy just came by my office with a potted plant. It had a card saying "Here's a small flower as thanks for the coffee and the nice company this morning".

I can't help wondering if the rest of the people in this building treat the office service staff as lowly servants or something, since a small kindness brings such gratitude...


And while I was writing this, the project manager for the current Large Project came by. I showed him the plant and told him to learn - "this is how you should treat me when I've done something good." He replied instantly "Sure, just as soon as you do something good!". I've got to stop feeding him lines like that...

My coworker kindly bought a new E-string for my violin when he passed by the music store, so today I got to practice with all four strings. I managed "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" without it sounding too bad. The cats still don't like it, though. Nor does the wrist that was broken; it hurts like blazes after just a few minutes playing. This probably means that playing is good exercise. Also, I'm somewhat proud that I strung the violin all by myself.

Tomorrow I'm going riding with gnapp. She'll help me with everything heavy and then walk while I ride. I need to take it slowly as the wrist is far from completely healed and I really shouldn't risk another fall. But I've realised how much the riding means for my health - when I ride, I'm pretty much knackered afterwards and in some pain, but during the autumn I didn't have that constant pain/heaviness in the abdomen. It's been coming back now, though, and there's really nothing else that has changed, I'm not more stressed out or anything. I suppose I really do need that exercise...

Also I'm physically restless. I find it hard to stay focused during a one hour meeting without fidgeting. This is not my usual self.

Yesterday I had a bad headache, so I went to bed early, which meant that I managed to get to work early and also left reasonably early. I've managed to do two loads of laundry (riding clothes and cleaning rags - yay for having a washing mashine!), water the flowers and get some violin practice in. Now I should go clean out the litter boxes so I won't have as much to do early in the morning. The cleaning woman will be here tomorrow and she shouldn't have to deal with that so I need to make sure it's as fresh as possible when she comes. Really, spending those approximately 200 USD a month is the best possible use for that money; I feel so much better not having to deal with the heavy housework and not having to lay it all on Calle.

Calle has made me start writing slashfic. It's not going very well.

I've not written much lately; it's been hellishly busy at work and I might post about that later. For now, suffice it to say that we've had some stuff to do that's required working nights lately. During the past few weeks I've put in a lot of over time and I've worked two nights between 01 and 07.

During that same time I've tried not to use the 24 hour depot pain killers, replacing them with the 4-6 hour effective ones I've previously used when the pain has flared up despite the 24 hour ones. It might seem stupid to try this change at such a stressful time, but my thought was that in this way I can adjust the medication to the need for each day (as some days I've basically only slept and others I've been awake for too much), without risking going above recommended total dosage for 24 hours.

And here's the thing - when I look at how many pills I've taken, the total dosage is lower than my previously "normal" dosage.

In other words, even at a very stressful time, I need less painkillers now than I did half a year ago at a "normal" stress level.

I've just spoken with my doctor and we agreed that from now on I can stop taking the depot pills completely. I'll use the smaller pills morning and evening and if I need them during the day. I'll also get paracetamol on prescription so I can try using them instead of the stronger stuff. Also I'll reduce the dosage of the antidepressives.

It seems I'm becoming less ill. I like it!

When I talked to cdybedahl about the coworker who made a racist joke, I realised something interesting. None of the other six people around the table followed up with a similar joke. It was just a polite smile and then they passed on to another topic.

That's pretty impressive. Generally, when a bunch of guys hear one joke like that they'll follow up with others of a similar nature, trying to top eachother or something. These guys didn't. Which makes me think I'm not the only one bothered by it, even if I may be the only one wanting to say something.