Shame

[jennyaxe]

Today at lunch I was sharing a table with seven other coworkers.

One of them made a racist joke.

I didn't say anything to discourage that sort of thing or show that I intensely dislike it.

I wish I had. I'm ashamed. I thought I was a stronger person.

Comments

[grumpywitch.livejournal.com]

It is very hard to be the lone voice of reason and tolerance.

*hugs*

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

It's not easy, and it's totally understandable. Like grumpywitch said, it's hard to be the lone voice of reason in a situation like that, especially when it's people you work with and have to have a lot of interaction with.

It's not always a matter of strength - it's hard to think fast sometimes when you're caught off guard and the comment is really unexpected.

[gramina.livejournal.com]

*nods* Especially in a work environment (where, ironically, it's actually *officially* inappropriate!) it can be hard to think on your feet to find a way to say 'that's not ok.'

I think this is a "fool me once, shame on you" sort of thing -- it's not like it would occur to most people that you'd *need* to have an appropriate response to that level of stupidity in the workplace prepared. But if it were me, I think I'd now be planning how to handle it next time. (And/or trying to decide if I should report it to the person's boss or to HR. It may well be against company policy to allow hate speech.)

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Nod. That's an important point. If you said something, and didn't express it well, it would be ignored and might create additional animosity. Sometimes it really is better to say nothing than say the wrong thing.

I *am* glad you wanted to say the right thing... but sometimes it's very hard to find it in the moment.

[jennyaxe.livejournal.com]

If I ever hear that particular "joke" again I've got my reply figured out... but it took me several hours.

(For those who are interested, it went "if there's an $ethnic1 and an $ethnic2 in a car, who's driving? Answer: the police". My planned-for-next-time-response: "but what if both of them are policemen, who'll drive then?"

[jennyaxe.livejournal.com]

It is against company policy, but I'm not going to report this guy unless he becomes a lot more openly racist/sexist than he's been so far. I will be prepared to challenge his "jokes" in some way, though, mostly by acting stupid ("but I don't get it. what's the funny bit?") because making them explain in detail how it's funny to say that $ethnicity is inherently stupid/criminal/whatever just makes them make themselves look bad.

[jennyaxe.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's it - I was completely flabbergasted and when I'd recovered my wits the moment had passed and it was no longer the right time to take issue with what he'd said.

[ailbhe]

Some days, you *are* a stronger person. I bet next time you'll have some kind of response worked out. You can't always know exactly what to say.

[jennyaxe.livejournal.com]

I spent quite a bit of time thinking about good responses that day, and I do have some worked out now... I somehow never expected to meet that kind of thing at this workplace, which was stupid of me - just because it's an exceptionally good environment doesn't mean everyone's perfect.