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Jul. 1st, 2004 03:11 pmSuddenly everything started happening very fast. My grandfather died yesterday.
On Sunday evening I spoke to Mom, who still thought grandfather had months to live. They'd booked a meeting with the social services to arrange care in the home for him. Grandmother was a bit confused and forgetful, and didn't seem able to take in the fact that the cancer was terminal.
Monday I spoke to my sister. She'd been to see grandfather the day before and she was a lot less sanguine than Mom. She said "if you want to see him and talk to him, you'd better get a move on". So that's what I did. I got train tickets down on the Tuesday with return ticket for yesterday. Mom fetched me at the station and we drove straight up to see Grandfather.
He was fully conscious. He said "dear Jenny, did you come all this way just for my sake". I told him that yes, I did, and that I loved him. That was all that needed saying. I sat holding his hand for a long time. He fell asleep, and Mom and I sat beside him reading until he woke up. We helped him get some water (he could drink from a straw) and we got a nurse to give him some morphine once we'd gotten him to admit that he was in pain. At that point he was still talking about going home and kept asking if the hospital bed had arrived at home.
At half past eight he accepted that he'd have to stay the night. They'd moved him into a single-bed room (well, actually a two-bed room, but he was alone in it) a few hours earlier. That made him a lot calmer, he's always been easily irritated by noise (something he's passed on to me...) and there was a lot of coming and going in the four-bed room he'd been in until then.
We got home to my grandmother's and had sandwiches and tea for supper. Grandmother kept asking how serious it was and we kept telling her that it was very serious. I gave her a woollen plaid/blanket I'd woven and she was very happy about it, she kept saying "Well, at least I've got the most beautiful plaid there is!".
Mom let me sleep until 10 the next morning. We'd planned to go to the hospital a bit later in the day, after we'd moved some furniture to make room for a hospital bed in Grandfather's bedroom. But while I was having breakfast, one of my aunts called. She was with Grandfather and she thought he was so much worse that she asked the nurses if she should call her mother and sisters. They said they thought it was a good idea, so she did. We hurried to the hospital, and found grandfather in a very bad state. He couldn't raise himself up to cough when he needed to, and he was in obvious pain. A nurse had given him a shot for the pain just before we came in and it appeared to help a bit after a while. Grandmother sat holding his hands a long time. One of the aunts had to leave and the other took grandmother home for a rest. Mom and I helped grandfather by lifting him up and helping him coughing out phlegm. I've still got a sore muscle in my left leg from straining to keep him upright. We did use the bed to raise him but he also pulled on my hand to get himself more upright. At about two thirty I got a nurse to give him some more painkillers, and she added something to reduce the phlegm problem. Once that took effect he was a lot calmer. At three thirty I had to leave to get to my train. He didn't react at all when I told him I had to go.
Mom planned to sleep at the hospital, so she asked me not to call her. She'd try to call me when she could slip out to use her mobile phone instead. I got home about ten PM, and about ten thirty she called. Grandfather had quietly expired at seven thirty.
I am deeply grateful that my sister told me to get a move on. I'm glad I did get the chance to say goodbye and let him go without any strain or ill-feeling between us. I had enough time to realise that I truly have forgiven everything he'd once done to hurt me and that I still loved him for all the good things he's done.
I don't know when the funeral will be yet.
On Sunday evening I spoke to Mom, who still thought grandfather had months to live. They'd booked a meeting with the social services to arrange care in the home for him. Grandmother was a bit confused and forgetful, and didn't seem able to take in the fact that the cancer was terminal.
Monday I spoke to my sister. She'd been to see grandfather the day before and she was a lot less sanguine than Mom. She said "if you want to see him and talk to him, you'd better get a move on". So that's what I did. I got train tickets down on the Tuesday with return ticket for yesterday. Mom fetched me at the station and we drove straight up to see Grandfather.
He was fully conscious. He said "dear Jenny, did you come all this way just for my sake". I told him that yes, I did, and that I loved him. That was all that needed saying. I sat holding his hand for a long time. He fell asleep, and Mom and I sat beside him reading until he woke up. We helped him get some water (he could drink from a straw) and we got a nurse to give him some morphine once we'd gotten him to admit that he was in pain. At that point he was still talking about going home and kept asking if the hospital bed had arrived at home.
At half past eight he accepted that he'd have to stay the night. They'd moved him into a single-bed room (well, actually a two-bed room, but he was alone in it) a few hours earlier. That made him a lot calmer, he's always been easily irritated by noise (something he's passed on to me...) and there was a lot of coming and going in the four-bed room he'd been in until then.
We got home to my grandmother's and had sandwiches and tea for supper. Grandmother kept asking how serious it was and we kept telling her that it was very serious. I gave her a woollen plaid/blanket I'd woven and she was very happy about it, she kept saying "Well, at least I've got the most beautiful plaid there is!".
Mom let me sleep until 10 the next morning. We'd planned to go to the hospital a bit later in the day, after we'd moved some furniture to make room for a hospital bed in Grandfather's bedroom. But while I was having breakfast, one of my aunts called. She was with Grandfather and she thought he was so much worse that she asked the nurses if she should call her mother and sisters. They said they thought it was a good idea, so she did. We hurried to the hospital, and found grandfather in a very bad state. He couldn't raise himself up to cough when he needed to, and he was in obvious pain. A nurse had given him a shot for the pain just before we came in and it appeared to help a bit after a while. Grandmother sat holding his hands a long time. One of the aunts had to leave and the other took grandmother home for a rest. Mom and I helped grandfather by lifting him up and helping him coughing out phlegm. I've still got a sore muscle in my left leg from straining to keep him upright. We did use the bed to raise him but he also pulled on my hand to get himself more upright. At about two thirty I got a nurse to give him some more painkillers, and she added something to reduce the phlegm problem. Once that took effect he was a lot calmer. At three thirty I had to leave to get to my train. He didn't react at all when I told him I had to go.
Mom planned to sleep at the hospital, so she asked me not to call her. She'd try to call me when she could slip out to use her mobile phone instead. I got home about ten PM, and about ten thirty she called. Grandfather had quietly expired at seven thirty.
I am deeply grateful that my sister told me to get a move on. I'm glad I did get the chance to say goodbye and let him go without any strain or ill-feeling between us. I had enough time to realise that I truly have forgiven everything he'd once done to hurt me and that I still loved him for all the good things he's done.
I don't know when the funeral will be yet.
