stupidity suffers
Jun. 25th, 2005 07:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jennyaxeThere's a Swedish proverb, "dum får lida", which basically means that "if you're stupid, you get to suffer".
One way of being stupid is to miscalculate how long it'll take to get hold of a doctor to get a prescription renewed. It ended up taking a few weeks longer than the old batch of medication lasted. This, combined with my stupidly choosing to try lowering the dosage earlier has fucked up my hormones enough that I've just gotten my period. It's been almost three years since the last one.
I'm in pain. I'd forgotten how much this hurts. My eyes are teary most of the time. I'm nauseous instead of hungry. I can't stand company and I don't want to see anyone today. I can't focus. I'm reading LJ and children's books because my attention span is too limited for anything else. I've been playing Sim City but sitting hurts so I don't want to do that for too long a stretch.
Sitting hurts. My abdomen is a bloated thing full of blood and when I move it makes the bloat move and push against things that hurt. Walking hurts. Lying down hurts. Heating pad helps, and if I put a pillow on top of it and then the laptop on the pillow I can use the computer and press the heating pad down at the same time, which helps.
I bleed a lot. I can't use a tampon because it hurts horribly. I'm using ultra-mega-double-plus pads but I bleed through them in a few hours. I've got super-ultra-mega-double-plus pads for use during the night; they're OK if I run to the loo to change it first thing when I get up.
I feel dirty and sticky and messy. I hate that.
My lower back hurts. My belly hurts. The hedgehog that usually lives inside my belly is not only running around with all it's pointy bits out; it's also got a couple of sharp sticks and it's poking at my belly from the inside.
I'm carefully keeping track of when I last took a pain killer and how many I've taken today so I won't go over the limit. It's tempting, though, except I know that there's nothing short of morphia or an epidural to make this pain really go away. As it is, the tramadol combined with paracetamol keeps it on a low enough level that I can function somewhat.
I'm writing this down not only out of self pity but also so I can be sure to remember it. I should look at this post whenever I'm feeling sorry for myself over the normal every-day pains. I'm so glad to know that this doesn't last and if I just stop being this stupid I won't have to go through it again. Remembering how I've felt the last few months when I've been so much better and stronger and less tired, I know that I'm a lucky woman indeed to have such a good life despite this disease. Perhaps I needed that reminder, I don't know, but if so I'm sure once is enough!
This morning (well, noon, but it was while I was drinking my morning coffee) I saw something utterly adorable. We've got a small bird feeder outside the kitchen window - it's just a thingy that holds a couple of tallow balls. The cats enjoy watching the birds and I feel like a good person for feeding them, so everyone is happy.
Only this morning there was lots more and louder cheeping noises than usual. I looked out and saw a bird sitting pecking at the tallow. Down on the windowsill was a smaller, much fluffier, bird. And next to it another small one. They were keeping their little beaks open and yelling at the top of their little bird voices. The mommy or daddy bird kept flying up to the tallow, pecking off a bit, flying down to feed one of the baby birds, and then repeating the whole thing for the next baby. And I went OMG THAT'S SO CUTE and shouted for Calle to come look and irritated the cats by making loud noises while they were prowling and hiding waiting for the glass to disappear magically so they could pounce on the birds. It never does, though.
One way of being stupid is to miscalculate how long it'll take to get hold of a doctor to get a prescription renewed. It ended up taking a few weeks longer than the old batch of medication lasted. This, combined with my stupidly choosing to try lowering the dosage earlier has fucked up my hormones enough that I've just gotten my period. It's been almost three years since the last one.
I'm in pain. I'd forgotten how much this hurts. My eyes are teary most of the time. I'm nauseous instead of hungry. I can't stand company and I don't want to see anyone today. I can't focus. I'm reading LJ and children's books because my attention span is too limited for anything else. I've been playing Sim City but sitting hurts so I don't want to do that for too long a stretch.
Sitting hurts. My abdomen is a bloated thing full of blood and when I move it makes the bloat move and push against things that hurt. Walking hurts. Lying down hurts. Heating pad helps, and if I put a pillow on top of it and then the laptop on the pillow I can use the computer and press the heating pad down at the same time, which helps.
I bleed a lot. I can't use a tampon because it hurts horribly. I'm using ultra-mega-double-plus pads but I bleed through them in a few hours. I've got super-ultra-mega-double-plus pads for use during the night; they're OK if I run to the loo to change it first thing when I get up.
I feel dirty and sticky and messy. I hate that.
My lower back hurts. My belly hurts. The hedgehog that usually lives inside my belly is not only running around with all it's pointy bits out; it's also got a couple of sharp sticks and it's poking at my belly from the inside.
I'm carefully keeping track of when I last took a pain killer and how many I've taken today so I won't go over the limit. It's tempting, though, except I know that there's nothing short of morphia or an epidural to make this pain really go away. As it is, the tramadol combined with paracetamol keeps it on a low enough level that I can function somewhat.
I'm writing this down not only out of self pity but also so I can be sure to remember it. I should look at this post whenever I'm feeling sorry for myself over the normal every-day pains. I'm so glad to know that this doesn't last and if I just stop being this stupid I won't have to go through it again. Remembering how I've felt the last few months when I've been so much better and stronger and less tired, I know that I'm a lucky woman indeed to have such a good life despite this disease. Perhaps I needed that reminder, I don't know, but if so I'm sure once is enough!
This morning (well, noon, but it was while I was drinking my morning coffee) I saw something utterly adorable. We've got a small bird feeder outside the kitchen window - it's just a thingy that holds a couple of tallow balls. The cats enjoy watching the birds and I feel like a good person for feeding them, so everyone is happy.
Only this morning there was lots more and louder cheeping noises than usual. I looked out and saw a bird sitting pecking at the tallow. Down on the windowsill was a smaller, much fluffier, bird. And next to it another small one. They were keeping their little beaks open and yelling at the top of their little bird voices. The mommy or daddy bird kept flying up to the tallow, pecking off a bit, flying down to feed one of the baby birds, and then repeating the whole thing for the next baby. And I went OMG THAT'S SO CUTE and shouted for Calle to come look and irritated the cats by making loud noises while they were prowling and hiding waiting for the glass to disappear magically so they could pounce on the birds. It never does, though.
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no subject
Date: 2005-06-25 07:11 pm (UTC)Wow. There are days I wish this was an American proverb, but then half the damn country would be in pain.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-25 07:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-26 03:08 am (UTC)Re: stupidity suffers
Date: 2005-06-26 08:29 am (UTC)In Holland we have a proverb that says. If you want to look beautiful you have to suffer. This can mean that if you have beautiful shoes but these do not fit you feet so well. Or get to curl your hair and have to sleep with the curl rollers to let the hair dry. I remember this was terrible. Sometimes my mother let me suffer too much to look beautiful. And I should have make up. And when I moved from home I started to have easy clothes and never did curl my hair. And I never have make up. My walks in nature make my skin more beautiful as make up.
How nice you could watch the baby birds from your window while they were fed. I am working in a house that is lying with woods. We put of two bird feeders and then the squirrels came eating too. And I got a lot of nice pictures of the squirrels.
This spring there was a couple of birds named thrush building a nest behind a French window (balcony). When we carefully opened the window on the third flour of the house we could se 3 bird baby's in the nest. This was very cute and I got a good picture of the small bird. But did not have time to put it on my web page yet.
Re: stupidity suffers
Date: 2005-06-26 01:00 pm (UTC)There's one like that in Swedish, too - "Vill du vara fin, får du lida pin" ("if you want to be pretty, you have to pay the price(suffer the pain"). It's used in the same way as the one from Holland. I too rarely use make up - I might put some on when going to a party or for a special occasion, but mostly I can't be bothered.
I like clothes that are both good looking and functional, but if I have to choose I prefer functional. Again I might make an exception for a particular occasion, though - it feels a bit like playing dress-up and I enjoy seeing how people's perceptions of me shift when I look different.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-26 09:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-27 04:48 am (UTC)Constipation isn't too bad; I've been on tramadol for three years now and my body has gotten used to it. It can be a bit of a bother when I need to increase the dosage like I did this weekend, but it's nothing like it was when I started with them.
Today seems to be a better day, which is good because I really don't want to miss work.I guess I was lucky that this happened on a weekend.