stupidity suffers
Jun. 25th, 2005 07:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jennyaxeThere's a Swedish proverb, "dum får lida", which basically means that "if you're stupid, you get to suffer".
One way of being stupid is to miscalculate how long it'll take to get hold of a doctor to get a prescription renewed. It ended up taking a few weeks longer than the old batch of medication lasted. This, combined with my stupidly choosing to try lowering the dosage earlier has fucked up my hormones enough that I've just gotten my period. It's been almost three years since the last one.
I'm in pain. I'd forgotten how much this hurts. My eyes are teary most of the time. I'm nauseous instead of hungry. I can't stand company and I don't want to see anyone today. I can't focus. I'm reading LJ and children's books because my attention span is too limited for anything else. I've been playing Sim City but sitting hurts so I don't want to do that for too long a stretch.
Sitting hurts. My abdomen is a bloated thing full of blood and when I move it makes the bloat move and push against things that hurt. Walking hurts. Lying down hurts. Heating pad helps, and if I put a pillow on top of it and then the laptop on the pillow I can use the computer and press the heating pad down at the same time, which helps.
I bleed a lot. I can't use a tampon because it hurts horribly. I'm using ultra-mega-double-plus pads but I bleed through them in a few hours. I've got super-ultra-mega-double-plus pads for use during the night; they're OK if I run to the loo to change it first thing when I get up.
I feel dirty and sticky and messy. I hate that.
My lower back hurts. My belly hurts. The hedgehog that usually lives inside my belly is not only running around with all it's pointy bits out; it's also got a couple of sharp sticks and it's poking at my belly from the inside.
I'm carefully keeping track of when I last took a pain killer and how many I've taken today so I won't go over the limit. It's tempting, though, except I know that there's nothing short of morphia or an epidural to make this pain really go away. As it is, the tramadol combined with paracetamol keeps it on a low enough level that I can function somewhat.
I'm writing this down not only out of self pity but also so I can be sure to remember it. I should look at this post whenever I'm feeling sorry for myself over the normal every-day pains. I'm so glad to know that this doesn't last and if I just stop being this stupid I won't have to go through it again. Remembering how I've felt the last few months when I've been so much better and stronger and less tired, I know that I'm a lucky woman indeed to have such a good life despite this disease. Perhaps I needed that reminder, I don't know, but if so I'm sure once is enough!
This morning (well, noon, but it was while I was drinking my morning coffee) I saw something utterly adorable. We've got a small bird feeder outside the kitchen window - it's just a thingy that holds a couple of tallow balls. The cats enjoy watching the birds and I feel like a good person for feeding them, so everyone is happy.
Only this morning there was lots more and louder cheeping noises than usual. I looked out and saw a bird sitting pecking at the tallow. Down on the windowsill was a smaller, much fluffier, bird. And next to it another small one. They were keeping their little beaks open and yelling at the top of their little bird voices. The mommy or daddy bird kept flying up to the tallow, pecking off a bit, flying down to feed one of the baby birds, and then repeating the whole thing for the next baby. And I went OMG THAT'S SO CUTE and shouted for Calle to come look and irritated the cats by making loud noises while they were prowling and hiding waiting for the glass to disappear magically so they could pounce on the birds. It never does, though.
One way of being stupid is to miscalculate how long it'll take to get hold of a doctor to get a prescription renewed. It ended up taking a few weeks longer than the old batch of medication lasted. This, combined with my stupidly choosing to try lowering the dosage earlier has fucked up my hormones enough that I've just gotten my period. It's been almost three years since the last one.
I'm in pain. I'd forgotten how much this hurts. My eyes are teary most of the time. I'm nauseous instead of hungry. I can't stand company and I don't want to see anyone today. I can't focus. I'm reading LJ and children's books because my attention span is too limited for anything else. I've been playing Sim City but sitting hurts so I don't want to do that for too long a stretch.
Sitting hurts. My abdomen is a bloated thing full of blood and when I move it makes the bloat move and push against things that hurt. Walking hurts. Lying down hurts. Heating pad helps, and if I put a pillow on top of it and then the laptop on the pillow I can use the computer and press the heating pad down at the same time, which helps.
I bleed a lot. I can't use a tampon because it hurts horribly. I'm using ultra-mega-double-plus pads but I bleed through them in a few hours. I've got super-ultra-mega-double-plus pads for use during the night; they're OK if I run to the loo to change it first thing when I get up.
I feel dirty and sticky and messy. I hate that.
My lower back hurts. My belly hurts. The hedgehog that usually lives inside my belly is not only running around with all it's pointy bits out; it's also got a couple of sharp sticks and it's poking at my belly from the inside.
I'm carefully keeping track of when I last took a pain killer and how many I've taken today so I won't go over the limit. It's tempting, though, except I know that there's nothing short of morphia or an epidural to make this pain really go away. As it is, the tramadol combined with paracetamol keeps it on a low enough level that I can function somewhat.
I'm writing this down not only out of self pity but also so I can be sure to remember it. I should look at this post whenever I'm feeling sorry for myself over the normal every-day pains. I'm so glad to know that this doesn't last and if I just stop being this stupid I won't have to go through it again. Remembering how I've felt the last few months when I've been so much better and stronger and less tired, I know that I'm a lucky woman indeed to have such a good life despite this disease. Perhaps I needed that reminder, I don't know, but if so I'm sure once is enough!
This morning (well, noon, but it was while I was drinking my morning coffee) I saw something utterly adorable. We've got a small bird feeder outside the kitchen window - it's just a thingy that holds a couple of tallow balls. The cats enjoy watching the birds and I feel like a good person for feeding them, so everyone is happy.
Only this morning there was lots more and louder cheeping noises than usual. I looked out and saw a bird sitting pecking at the tallow. Down on the windowsill was a smaller, much fluffier, bird. And next to it another small one. They were keeping their little beaks open and yelling at the top of their little bird voices. The mommy or daddy bird kept flying up to the tallow, pecking off a bit, flying down to feed one of the baby birds, and then repeating the whole thing for the next baby. And I went OMG THAT'S SO CUTE and shouted for Calle to come look and irritated the cats by making loud noises while they were prowling and hiding waiting for the glass to disappear magically so they could pounce on the birds. It never does, though.
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Re: stupidity suffers
Date: 2005-06-26 01:00 pm (UTC)There's one like that in Swedish, too - "Vill du vara fin, får du lida pin" ("if you want to be pretty, you have to pay the price(suffer the pain"). It's used in the same way as the one from Holland. I too rarely use make up - I might put some on when going to a party or for a special occasion, but mostly I can't be bothered.
I like clothes that are both good looking and functional, but if I have to choose I prefer functional. Again I might make an exception for a particular occasion, though - it feels a bit like playing dress-up and I enjoy seeing how people's perceptions of me shift when I look different.